Hitler’s opinion about iPad.
Archivi categoria: Humour
Internal Debate
From College Humour
Computer: Monitor, display this document, ok?
Monitor: No prob, boss.
Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?
Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?
Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.
Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?
Mouse: Of course.
Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.
Monitor: Oh God, here we go.
Computer: *sighs* Printer, are you there?
Printer: No.
Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there.
Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!
Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne…
Mouse: Sir, he’s clicked on the printer icon.
Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!
Computer: Printer, you know you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.
Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!
Computer: You’re not out of in…
Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!
Computer: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
Monitor: But sir, he has plen…
Computer: Just do it, damn it!
Monitor: Yes sir.
Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!
Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. Oh god, I don’t know, he’s just pressing everything!
Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?!
Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!
Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?
Computer: No. He did this to himself.
Warning
RIP Mike Bongiorno
Se ne va uno dei più grandi comici di tutti i tempi.
O quando chiedeva – e capitò più volte – a una concorrente notizie del marito e si sentiva rispondere “veramente sono vedova”. O gli errori di lettura. “Ma chi sarà questo signor Paolo Vi del quale non ho mai sentito parlare?”, si chiese leggendo una domanda in cui si citava in realtà Papa Paolo VI. E non ebbe alcun dubbio a pronunciare “Pio ics”, leggendo il nome di Papa Pio X. E ancora: “Un signore anziano sulla cinquantina” (“non mi chiami anziano”, replicò indispettito il concorrente a Rischiatutto); “abbiamo qui Sharon Rampin… sei inglese?” “No, sono veneta, Rampìn”.
E dotato di una certa dose di autoironia:
Enzo Bottesini, in gara, cameraman specializzato in riprese subacquee, gli disse: “Mike, so che lei è un sub eccezionale”. E lui replicò: “No, sono un sub normale”.
Liberace da Allevi
Barbara mi ha segnalato questa simpatica storiella disegnata da Joshua Held.
Cliccate sull’immagine per ingrandirla (e se avete un browser che la stringe, poi cliccate sull’immagine).
Quelli che non sanno chi era Liberace, clicchino qui.
The True Silence
Un newspaper generator. Per quanto possibile, ho cercato anche di imitare la scarsa propensione sintattica del giornalismo nostrano attuale.
Comunque ce ne sono migliaia.
God as a Computer Programmer
Ogni tanto dal computer riemergono vecchi file con ricordi dei bei tempi andati…
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it’s tedious to step through all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.
Q: Does God know everything?
A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes on in the overnight job.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the maintenance phase.
Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS [management information system] director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren’t programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a backup tape.
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless features onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don’t let anyone put you down.
Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don’t make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.
Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.
Q: Some people say God is Love.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a question.
Abort, Retry, Fail?
Ooops!
The Monty Python Channel
Chiudiamo Novembre con qualcosa di divertente
For 3 years you YouTubers have been ripping us off, taking tens of thousands of our videos and putting them on YouTube. Now the tables are turned. It’s time for us to take matters into our own hands.
We know who you are, we know where you live and we could come after you in ways too horrible to tell. But being the extraordinarily nice chaps we are, we’ve figured a better way to get our own back: We’ve launched our own Monty Python channel on YouTube.
No more of those crap quality videos you’ve been posting. We’re giving you the real thing – HQ videos delivered straight from our vault.
What’s more, we’re taking our most viewed clips and uploading brand new HQ versions. And what’s even more, we’re letting you see absolutely everything for free. So there!
But we want something in return.
None of your driveling, mindless comments. Instead, we want you to click on the links, buy our movies & TV shows and soften our pain and disgust at being ripped off all these years.
Così viene presentato il Monty Python Channel su You Tube. Buon divertimento (e buon esercizio di inglese).
FFT cat
Questa viene da un articolo di cui vi parlerò domani, ma anche da sola è troppo bella, anche se un po’ per addetti ai lavori…
